You know your going to have a bad day when the answer to your question “What brought you here today” begins with “well it all started 3 years ago doc…”
You can have a complete conversation using mainly letters instead of full words.
eg, On arrival in A+E the SHO ordered ECG, FBC, U+E's and an ABG. The patient had ARF and despite an IVI was CTD. She was made NFR and for TLC only.
You meet new people and see their hands for the first time you instantly think “ooh, bet I could get a green venflon in that vein!”
You only watch Casualty, Holby City and Doctors for their comedy value!
You only watch Scrubs and House for their true to life portrayals of hospital medicine!
You STILL get angry when TV doctors try to shock a flatlined patient. Grr!
You have missed a close family member’s / friend’s / your own wedding / birthday/ golden anniversary due to being on call. You are still not sure if you’ve been forgiven despite having no influence over the rota.
You have pretended to be on call in order not to attend a close family member’s / friend’s wedding / birthday /golden anniversary.
When doing your houseman jobs you repeatedly got frustrated that no one trusted your assessments.
When doing your senior jobs you repeatedly got frustrated that you couldn’t trust your houseman’s assessments.
You act like nurses are the bane of your life, yet secretly you know that on at least one occasion a nurse has saved your ass!
You’ve googled a patient’s condition prior to seeing them in order to pretend that you know more about it.
The word “MTAS” STILL makes you angry.
You feel angry and snubbed if a family member sees their own GP without asking you for advice first.
If a family member asks you for advice about a symptom you tell them that the best thing for them to do is to see their own GP.
You score on the CAGE assessment (maybe not for alcohol, but definitely for something, coffee, chocolate or starmix maybe)
You realise there are never enough tourniquets in the world.
You can spend ages clerking and presenting a patient, only for them to completely contradict everything you’ve said when the consultant sees them. “My junior tells me this all started with a dull ache in your foot…” “No doc, it was a crushing pain in my chest and down my arm…???”
You are expected to psychically predict a patient’s meds when their drug chart goes missing and need rewriting. Or when the patient can’t remember them. “I take 2 pink ones and a little red on” Hmm, very helpful.
There is a name of at least one previous patient that if you ever saw written on the expected board again you would run a mile!
You have a car boot full of useless crap from drug reps, yet every time you see them you still feel compelled to bleed them dry.
The only days you remember to bring a lunch with you are the days the drug reps have provided a free one.
You only use open questions in communication assessments.
The neatness of your handwriting is inversely proportional to how confident you are of your spelling of that long drug name.
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